Mitchell-Lama Mama’s Blog

an ordinary life in an extraordinary city

Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now, February 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mitchelllamamama @ 6:02 pm
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Reset the clock on waiting to find out about the next step of the application process for the boy, it turns out someone was sick and they didn’t send out the letters until yesterday. 

*******We got the letter.  He has been invited to go in for the next step in the application process, a simulated school day.**** It’s a little more than a week from now, then we’ll wait to hear if he’s invited for a personal interview…


Feeling a bit sad and self pitying today. 


Mama had to go to the girl’s school this morning.  No, no phone call from the school nurse, a “publishing party” that all the parents are invited to.  The girl had clearly worked very hard on her piece.  Not a surprise, she always works really hard. But when you walk down the hall her classroom is on, there’s written work on the walls from all of her classmates, though not hers. Between meds, neurocrud, and whatever mystery is the root cause of her neuro crud, she struggles, and it can be seen clearly in the difference btw her work and that of her classmates.  


Parent teacher conferences will be coming up next month.  Her teacher caught me on the side of the room and asked if I would mind if she scheduled our conference on a different day.  Yanno, because we have so much to talk about.  I’m certain the conversation will include her recommendation for testing/evaluations.  I knew this was coming.  I know it would be irresponsible on the part of the teacher if she didn’t approach this.  I know it’s best for the girl to get this ball rolling, so she can have opportunities to be successful in school, and feel good about herself and her work, even open the door to her reaching her potential.  But whatever her potential is, it isn’t what it was when she was a toddler, and that hurts.  When she was two, we had every reason to think she was on  a similar path as her big brothers.  


I am blessed with two very gifted boys, and the girl has her own gifts, but hers are different, and not ones that are quickly valued in casual conversation with other parents on the “blacktop,” or even by our society in general.  I tell myself to be quiet and be grateful, things could be much worse, and her life could be much harder.  Sometimes that lecture doesn’t work, and I can’t help but think about the woulda/shoulda/couldas, and that she’s already got a life more difficult than most children on the playground.   


Hopefully this new seizure control we’re seeing at this dose of medication will hold, and the control will be enough to balance out the cognitive slowing caused by the med.  In the meantime I’ll remind myself that she’s a perfectly beautiful balance of strong and sweet, and Mr Putter and Tabby are perfectly lovely books to read, even for the 400th time, even if she doesn’t remember reading them before. 


So I’m channeling Janis Joplin today.  A little piece of my heart broke off in that classroom this morning, but when I got back for the meeting, I’m going to show them this Mama can be tough. 😛


4 Responses to “Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now,”

  1. CasaDe Says:

    Coulda…woulda…shoulda…sigh. Heartbreakers, each of these.

    I’d say just look at her and love her – she’s so gol-danged lovable – but I also know how hard it is to get the ringing “couldashouldawoulda” out of your ears. 😦

  2. shoesan Says:

    I’m sorry you are feeling so down. (((HUGS))) I think that teacher should have had a variety of all the children’s work displayed (ALL THE KIDS) grrrr She could have made sure all the kids were included. (even if it was a worksheet or HW)
    just from my own perspective when I want to give up and the pity party starts, I try and tell myself, I should be so grateful <I AM seizure free (for the most part ;), I can drive, I work full time
    It doesn’t always get to my inner psyche. Some days are harder than others and just plain SUCK. My memory is terrible, I lose words, I constantly trip and I am sick of being sick.

    The girl is beautiful and one tough cookie! She is still your child and a SPECIAL GIFT. You have every right to want everything in the world for her! If it takes some kind of evaluation to help her get it then, we will just have to make adjustments ;).
    O and congrats on the boy!

  3. Philly Mom Says:

    well, wow. I could have written the part about not seeing my dd’s work up on the walls at school…for my girl, it’s that she usually doesn’t get it done…neuro crud and meds. slowing her down, and honestly, I think her teachers have lowered their expectations of her, very sadly. 😦 They don’t PUSH her to finish….they tell me they have to prioritize when i ask why she doesn’t have a globe up or whatever…that it was at the end of the ‘must do’ list and my girl didn’t get to it. They try and shrug it off as no big deal. It hurts. last year, when literally NONE of my girl’s work was up and I was talking to other moms on MLK day, i felt physically sick. Just a big punch to the stomach and like I was going to cry right then and there. i barely held it together and cried once I got in the car.

    BIG hugs.

  4. Thanks CasaDe. I’m trying to push forward and get that ringing out of my ears today.

    Thanks Shoesan. Some days do suck. I think that’s the trick to not allowing yourself to become bitter, is accepting even those days and moving forward. You’re right, she is a gift, as is your friendship. 🙂

    Thanks Philly Mom, I know you understand also. Sigh. That punch to the stomach is so harsh because it’s always a sucker punch, when we least expect it. As long as we make it outside of the school to cry, we’ll be ok–and so will our girls. 😉

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