As I may have mentioned, over the past six months or so, I’ve been forcing myself to look for the positives. Chronic disorders take their toll, on the individual and the family. Knowledge is power, knowledge can give order to disorder, but knowledge can be frightening, and research can become consuming. This is why I started forcing myself to look for the bright side.
It has helped, but sometimes it’s very, very hard. We got together with old friends on Sunday, a belated Christmas/New Year’s celebration. I tried to do all the right things, made sure meds were on time, that the girl got a good night’s sleep the night before, and that we left the gathering in time to be home for normal med/bedtime. Still, yesterday was a rough day for the girl, involving several phone calls from the nurse and having to pick her up early from school.
Like most everyone else that I know, laundry is a never ending game of catch up. Only I’ve got this extra fun dimension of trying to get it done in between nurse phone calls and unscheduled pick ups. I hate doing laundry, but I find there’s comfort to be found in getting things accomplished. A clean bathroom, drawers filled with clean clothes, these are the things that allow me to feel I’ve accomplished something with my day. Glamorous? No. Bringing me closer to a Pushcart Prize? No. But these things tell me I have, at the least, been productive, cared for my family, and not allowed myself to spend another day controlled by neuro crud and side effects.
The other morning I was lurking on the fishy forum. I stay away from their “lounge,” I just don’t get the humor. I rarely post, because you’re just as likely to be berated as given helpful tips. That’s fine, lurking gives me plenty of useful info, and I can and usually do skip the nonsense posts. But I was reading a thread about a particular type of fish where a couple of the posters got into a spat, calling each other names, etc, and one of them put flashing lights into his post, including a flashing box that had the word seizure blinking alternately with the background. Meant to be funny, I’m sure.
Last night I went to the store, was waiting on line when a few police officers came in. I heard over their radio when a call came in about a child having a seizure. I, of course, had to call home in a panic. After all, I had been gone 5 minutes. All was, of course, fine. Poor Papa.
Well, I didn’t get the laundry finished yesterday, and had to bring three loads upstairs that were still damp and probably need to be rewashed. It could be worse. We’ve lived worse, and I am grateful we aren’t “back there.” Some days, though, that doesn’t help me to feel better.